MY SCARS SHINING

 

When I was young I knew no fear,

I'll play from dawn till sun would disappear.

Never heard 'beware' in whatever they said

until one day, I saw a drop of 'Red'.

I didn't fathom then that it was the dawn

what puberty would bring, what it would spawn.

I could feel them put my innocence to test,

as I noticed their eyes lingering on my chest

My world suffocated when I got introduced to the Bra,

everynight I have taken it off to breathe 'hallelujah'.

Everyday my dupatta would save me a disaster,

I was the dog and all the Men- my master.

They taught me to be elegant, they taught me to blush

They forbade me to drink or to smoke or to cuss

When I was loud - they forced me to hush

everytime I tried to fly- they asked "whats the rush?"

So I reigned in my song and I pleased them all

Every smile and nod brought me closer to my fall

I felt elated, successful- I had arrived and passed

Till one day , on a deserted street, I was harassed

I gulped it down- and denied my anger

Oh girlie - calm down- it was just a mad stranger

When yet another stranger walked in as my prince

He promised me his name and I never looked back since

I celebrated the illusion of marital bliss & inLaws

Pushed to my limits, still i denied their flaws

Oh It was all about "love",it was all about "respect"

So in all the roles they chose - I wanted to be 'perfect'

And then came motherhood- and it broke my mirage alright

Anger was my day's partner as I said hello to wakeful nights

I would cry, pull my hair & ask- cant you feel my pain too?

and dear husband would sagely say- "relax, this what you were born to do"

Then one day it all stopped- the pretense, the pain, the abyss,

and I started seeing myself and the world -as it really is.

When someone whispered "you dont deserve this ditch"

I started my journey from 'the sad girl' to - "a bad bitch" .

To them all- I declare- as I do to my nearest one

Perfect ? My foot. I wont be. I am done.

Watch out - now this angel has grown a horn

from my ashes, I have been - Reborn.

Not just a wife or a mother or a daughter in law

I am power and courage and mercy and awe.

Its a letter to all those, who in apology will be pining,

beware - I am back & these are my scars shining.

Heal

 As a little girl I , once I saw my mom cry

And so to make her happy, everyday would I try

I spent years not knowing the answer is not to kneel

It is to find my god 'within', it is to 'heal'

I spent decades searching for myself

in the eyes of people I love and help

When I saw them fighting their own sorrow

I knew I had to be my own hero

Imploding in love, exploding in rage

I asked almighty to help escape my cage

he smiled at the infinity & intensity I feel

Till I stopped one day. And he whispered - "heal"

And every breeze since then touched me softly

every hush enticed me to its tiny melody

As I saw a tree dance alone in zeal

I let go and allowed myself to heal

And as I breathe in the cure, my heart is lighter

Its as if I could finally stop being a fighter

And I don't have to live for just another day

God has another plan and maybe there's another way.